We all want to be present.
To respond to life as it is, not as it was.
But if you’ve ever had a reaction that felt too big for the situation—or found yourself stuck in the same emotional loop no matter how much insight you’ve gained—you’re not alone.
And more importantly, you’re not broken.
The truth is: many of our reactions aren’t actually about what’s happening right now.
They’re shaped by powerful, body-based memories we carry—memories that don’t always live in the thinking mind.
In this post, I want to introduce you to two lesser-known, but deeply influential forces: procedural memory and emotional memory.
Understanding how these two forms of memory operate can help you:
- Make sense of why you keep reacting the way you do
- Release self-blame and shame
- Begin the process of shifting patterns that no longer serve you
Let’s dive in.
What Is Procedural Memory?
Procedural memory is your nervous system’s autopilot.
It stores how to do things—walking, tying your shoes, driving home without thinking about each turn.
It’s brilliant for everyday functioning. But here’s the catch:
That same system also stores trauma responses.
If you tend to shut down in conflict, avoid eye contact, fawn for approval, or freeze in moments of stress—those may be procedural patterns your nervous system developed to keep you safe. You didn’t choose them. They became habits of survival.
What is Emotional Memory?
Emotional memory is the felt imprint of how something once made you feel—especially in relationships.
These memories often live in the body, even when the mind can’t recall a specific event.
Think of how your stomach drops when someone looks at you a certain way, or how you flinch at a tone of voice that reminds you of a parent or teacher.
These are emotional echoes—reactions to the past showing up in the present.
How the Two Interact
Now here’s where it gets tricky: procedural memory and emotional memory often work together.
You feel the emotional charge (emotional memory), and then your body enacts a familiar protective response (procedural memory).
This can happen lightning-fast, without conscious thought.
Everyday Examples
- Your boss gives neutral feedback. You feel your chest tighten, your mind spin, your body shrink. It’s not just about your boss—it’s a procedural and emotional memory from childhood being reactivated.
- A friend takes a few hours to reply to a message. You start to panic. Your body floods with fear of abandonment. You spiral into over-apologizing or withdrawing. That’s not just now—that’s the past living in your nervous system.
- Your partner uses a phrase your ex used. You snap defensively. It’s not logic—it’s memory.
These aren’t overreactions. They’re old reactions, replaying themselves.
What Trauma Has to Do With It
If trauma is part of your history—and for many of us, it is—these responses become even more deeply wired.
Trauma doesn’t live in your thoughts.
It lives in your nervous system.
It gets encoded through emotional and procedural memory—outside your conscious awareness—and becomes difficult to interrupt with logic or willpower alone.
So What Can We Do?
The first step is awareness.
Noticing when your reaction feels bigger than the moment calls for is a powerful clue that something deeper is at play.
These moments aren’t failures—they’re invitations to turn inward with curiosity and compassion.
Somatic therapy, breathwork, and trauma-informed practices can help you begin to unwind these automatic responses, not by forcing change, but by bringing presence to what your body is trying to communicate.
Start Here: Free Guide to Transforming Triggers
f you’re ready to explore your own patterns more deeply, I’ve created a free e-book to support you.
📘 Transforming Triggers walks you through a gentle, step-by-step process to:
- Understand what’s really behind your emotional reactions
- Identify the parts of you that get activated
- Discover the unmet needs that fuel those responses
